Lonely

So yes, Chris and I are broken up. It has been two months and it is just now getting hard. He has stopped calling, begging, asking etc. I have my friends and I have Charlie around all of the time, but I am still alone. I feel alone. I don't know what to do. I called Chris just to talk but he wouldn't answer and now his phone is off. He is my family and my best friend, and even though we aren't together in that way anymore doesn't mean we can't still be friends. He is all I have for the past four years and I really don't know what to do without him.I cry everyday, sometimes multipletimes and i drink alot. It is ecoming a problem because it is affecting my school work. I miss my best friend. I miss my family. I want to be home which is with him, but if I do that, then I'm afraid I still won't be happy.There is always something missing...but now I actually know what it is. Another thing is, I don't want to be serious with ANYONE until I know I won't do this to them like I did to Chris. I don't know how he has put up with me for so long, but I guess he is done. I love him more than anything and wish that I could fix things between us. I just need a real friend and he is all I have. I'm pathetic. And I'm a mess. I wish I could fix myself. I wish I knew how.